187 VS 200
by glockcourage
Summary: Summary: Possibly Sheldon versus Shikamaru. And caught in the middle is the writer of this piece. Crack.


A/N: Researching how this fic will fare here. So the methodology is just delete, repost and see…

Disclaimer: I own nothing big or something that kicks ass.

—o0o—

 **187 VS 200**

"I am Sheldon from another universe. My mission is to look for a shinobi named Shikamaru Nara. Where is he?"

Temari looks up then down then up again at the strange looking man, before shrugging. "I don't know where that ass is."

"You mistake me, I'm looking for a person, not a part of a person's anatomy."

Temari cocks an eyebrow. "Who are you again?"

"Sheldon Cooper. I am sure that in this universe you have heard of me."

" _Nah,"_ Temari answers.

Sheldon huffs. "Of course, you do. My character is insanely funny that the person playing it is getting so much money not to mention awards for it. There is really no reason for you not to have heard of me. I am quite the best in my field and I have proof ie the money and the awards to attest to it."

"How many have you killed?"

" _Killed?"_

Temari replies, "In my books, _'the best in the field'_ is someone who killed many."

"Of course, I have ordered an exponential amount of living things, killed—the fact that they are mostly insects and other low life forms is irrelevant."

Temari looks suspicious. " _Really?_ You killed a handful of the Aburame's bugs?"

"Of course not. I said, I ordered them killed, not—"

"Why are you in this dimension again?" interrupts Temari.

"I'm looking for Shikamaru Nara or more culturally correct Nara Shikamaru."

"Hmn why?"

"It's between me and him."

Temari raises her large metallic fan in a warning.

Sheldon just smile.

Temari opens her fan, her answering smile bordering on a growl.

"That's a nice fan," says Sheldon, as usual not equip to see the nonverbal message.

"Yeah. And if you don't tell me why you want to meet Shikamaru, this _nice_ fan will hit your head."

" _It will?"_ asks Sheldon, quite shocked.

"Trust me, it will." Temari caresses her fan, trying to send her message clear. "In this dimension, it's full of ninjas that are only too willing to kick your ass."

"Fascinating—your fascination with that part of a person's anatomy is outstanding."

" _Oh Kami are you for real?"_

"Are you implying that Kami—or God—is more real than I?" scandalized, Sheldon blurts out. "I assure you I am real, I exist, and I indeed occupy a space in this universe."

Temari approaches a tree and smashes it with her fist. The trunk splinters into a hundred pieces before the top portion is thrown off into the air and lands with a loud crash.

"Whereas what you just did is impossible," adds Sheldon. "But do not worry a lot of shows also asks the audience to suspend their disbelief and just enjoy the show."

"Once again." Temari bites each word. _"What. Do. You. Need. From. Shikamaru?"_

"I want to challenge him in a fight."

" _AH_ _WHAT?!"_

"Since you heard what I was telling you before, there's no reason for you to not hear me now. So I must conclude that you are simply pretending not to hear me."

"Are you stupid or just dumb?"

Sheldon's face ticks.

"What's wrong with your face?"

"Let me tell you. I am not stupid nor am I dumb. In fact, I have you know that I have an IQ of 187 and I am here to challenge Shikamaru to a duel. I will show the world— _no,_ the entire universe—that I am more intelligent than he despite him having an IQ of 200."

"Doesn't your IQ tell you that you better quit while you're ahead?"

"I have prepared here a set of questions that will gauge my and Shikamaru's intelligence and I assure you, your boyfriend will fail and then being the good girlfriend you are, you have to console him but he will be completely inconsolable."

"Can I see the questions?"

Sheldon nods his head and gives the sheets of papers to Temari.

"This is mostly physics questions," states the woman.

"Yes."

"Do you know that what you want to do is impossible?"

"Why not?"

"Because GC—the one writing this fanfictional crap—hates physics. And she will never agree to this."

"Oh I didn't thought of that."

"So that leaves Shikamaru's specialty."

"What's Shikamaru's specialty?"

"Shogi," answers Temari.

"I can definitely play that," Sheldon replies.

" _Oh shit!"_

"Shit? As in manure?" Sheldon checks the soles of his shoes, finding none, he then checks his surroundings. "Where?"

"I just swore." Temari frowns. " _Damn it!_ GC doesn't know how to play shogi either. Geez she can't write about something she doesn't know about, right?"

"I see the one writing this has a lot of shortcomings."

" _Shhh. Quiet!"_

"I can say what I want to and I say that I advise GC to google physics questioners or she can google manuals on how to play shogi in an effort to make her writing more believable. I don't know why she doesn't. Oh boy she must be lazy."

" _Shhh."_ Temari looks around, looking for something, appearing almost in a panic.

"No. I will not be quiet."

Plop.

"I told you to be quiet, you wouldn't listen. In this dimension, GC likes playing with her borrowed characters. You notice how a giant manhole full of shit just suddenly appeared beneath you just when a while ago, you already checked your surroundings for that smelly stuff?"

There is no answer because Sheldon faints in a pool of manure.

"Don't worry, I'll tell Shikamaru where to find you," snickers Temari. "You can have your _'battle'_ then."

End.

—o0o—

~10 8 14AF P 10 9 14 ReP 11 11 15~


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